Doktor ”Tagurpidi” diagnoos :)

Ma mäletan, kui lapsed väiksemad olid ja mina nendega kodune, siis kadestasin oma meest, kes kasutas igal võimalusel õhtuti just sellist mängimise meetodit: siruli maas, lapsed ronisid ja hüppasid seljas ning tema sai samaaegselt nii massaaži kui ka lastega tegelemise linnukese kirja. 🙂

No ma oleks võinud ju sama teha, aga kuna ma kaalusin tol hetkel veidi vähem kui praegu – u 54 kg, siis oleks minu jaoks see arvatavasti traumapunktiga lõppenud. Suure ja pehme isa eelised… 🙂

Nüüd aga, ammu tööl käiva emana, kasutan ma seda lebomängumeetodit suurima hea meelega ise ka, sest pikali viskamine ei tähenda 5-aastaste jaoks mitte tingimata seljas ratsutamist, vaid niimoodi saab ülitoredat arstimängu mängida.

See hiljutine visiit 5-aastaste haiglasse oli küll selline kogemus, millest kirjutamine on siiamaani raske, sest laua alla naermise ajal teadupärast kirjutada ei saa.. 🙂

Oligi ühel õhtul töölt tulles jälle selline soss peal, et ma tegelikult isegi väga ei valetanud neile, kui ütlesin, et mul absoluutselt igalt poolt valutab ja ma heidan nüüd korraks diivani peale pikali.

Kuna need 5sed duracellid ei ole mitte kuu-naaa-gii väsinud, siis võtsid nemad seda muidugi lõbusa väljakutsena ning ma lubasin neil lisaks nende arstikohvrile kasutada ka minu plaastrite, sidemete jms traumavastaste vahendite karbi sisu. „Tulge palun meie kabinetti! Otse ja vasakule.“

„Eee…ma ei jaksa liigutada ju..“ teesklesin jõuetust.

„No me aitame sind,“ ja mind talutati lahkesti lastetuppa mängumadratsile.

Väikesel Naisel ei olnud midagi selle vastu, kui mees tegi otsuse peaarst olla ning tema ise on arstiõde, sest ta on juhtumisi nagunii õde ja ta oskab seda ametit hästi.

Etteaimatavalt kadus peaarst pärast oma tiitli teatavaks tegemist korraks „asju ajama“ ja palus, et õde minuga tegeleks. Mingit ülesandepüstitust õde ei saanud ning seepärast istus ta mõned minutid mu kõrval vaikselt pead paitades ja täisid kontrollides. Kuna nii mõnus oli olla, siis uurisin suusoojaks, et mis haigla nimi on. „Aaa, ma ei teagi täpselt, aga ma tean, see on ainuke arstimaja, mis üldse maailmas praegu avatud on… No seal Nõmmel on ka üks lahti praegu, aga see on kehva,“ sain ma pädevate turundusoskustega medõe käest teada, et nimi nimeks, aga mingit valikut mul põdural nagunii ei ole. Kui ma mainisin, et ta võiks nüüd ikkagi läbivaatusega alustada, siis hõikas ta oma ülemust, ent kuna toda ikka veel silmapiiril polnud, siis otsustas õlgu kehitades alustada. Põlved käsu peale kõverdatud sain ma kordamööda korralikud hoobid liigestesse, mille tulemuseks oli õudne fakt, et mu paremas põlves elab kurbus ja vasakus põlves viha. „Kuidas neid välja saab?“ ehmatasin. „Soolasokkidega, sa ei teadnud või?“ hämmastas õde. „Mis need veel on ja kas te teete neid ise ka?“

„Need maksavad 5 eurot,” lausus soolasoki-usku õde midagi täpsustamata.

No mida iganes, pange siis mu arvele, pakkusin, kui raha-ahnel õel oligi juba kaardimakseterminal käes ning palus (õnneks nähtamatu) kaardi sisestada ning tasuda (p.s. talle meeldib väga ka poodi mängida ning ilmselgelt ajas ta kaks mängu omavahel sassi – meelega või mitte, ei tea. 🙂 )

Seejärel arvas selleks hetkeks minu silmis täiesti ebapädevaks osutunud medõde, et mul on veel üks suur probleem ja selleks on liiga pikk tukk, mis ei lase mul selgelt asju  näha. Kohe oli tal varrukast võtta ka lipsuga juukseklamber ning seni kuni ta seda paigaldades mul ajusid üritas välja pressida (mis oleks ka ilmselt paljude haiguste lahenduseks tegelikult 😉 ), ise pomisedes, et tehakse ikka kehvasid klambreid, saabus õnneks peaarst isiklikult. Õde otsustas arsti tuleku puhul kiiresti outlooki värskendada ning tõmbas valge salli õlgadele ja hõljus edasi.

Arst, nähes, et ma patsiendina enam pikali ei ole, küsis rõõmsalt, et kuidas läheb. Ilmselt ta lootis, et silmailuks palgatud ja enamus ajast poolhullu halastajaõde meenutav meditsiiniõde on imekombel millegi diagnoosimisega hakkama saanud.  Õde ütles talle aga vaid, et mul on makstud ning oma kaheldavaid diagnoose igaks juhuks edasi ei andnud.

Ilmsegelt need polnudki õiged, sest härra peaarst palus mul põlved sirgu tagasi ajada, kuna tema käe sisse ehitatud eriline röntgenaparaat ei tuvastanud kiirel vaatlusel seal mingeid hälbeid. „Hmmm..tundub nagu korras olevat..“ imestas ta pärast viimaseid protseduure. Kuna mina aga kavatsesin haiglas olemist kogu raha eest ära kasutada, siis ütlesin, et ma enne ära ei lähe, kui ma saan ravi. Peaarst liikus seepeale mu pikalioleva keha peapoolsesse otsa ning vaatas mulle sügavalt silma. „Nojaa… ma pean ühe küsimuse küsima, kas te olete seemneid söönud?“ Issand, mõtlesin mina, no mida küsimus, aga asusin siiski meelde tuletama, et kas olen söönud või mitte. Hääletoon oli arstil igastahes selline kahtlustav nagu ma oleks seeni söönud ning ilmselgelt teesklen kõiki oma hädasid. „No võibolla olen isegi söönud…ma ei mäleta..aga mis siis?“ ja siis tuvastas lugupeetud arst mul diagnoosi, mille nimi iseenesest ravib mind vist elu lõpuni kõikidest hädadest terveks.

„No aga selles asi ongi ju et te olete neid seemneid TAGURPIDI söönud!“  🙂

Ausalt, ma püüan tänase päevani erinevaid stsenaariume ette kujutada, et mismoodi saab seemet üldse tagurpidi süüa.  Igastahes suured tänud mu armsale doktor Tagurpidile – ma sain vähemalt ülihea tuju ja väike peavalu, mis mul päriselt ka enne oli, oli naeruteraapia meetodi abil taaskord seljatatud. 😉

 

p.s. pildil olev “haigla” ei olnud tollel päeval veel valmis – see glamuurne ehitis valmis alles paar päeva tagasi käepärastest vahenditest ehitatuna meie elutuppa ning seal olen ka juba paar korda jõudnud ravil käinud.

 

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